Picking a lock.... for f__ksake, if it were that easy to pick a lock jails would be a whole lot emptier - as would banks.
Thank you SO MUCH Hollywood for making my son believe he could pick the lock on the front door.
"But it's easy!" he says - "Obviously not JJ or we wouldn't be having this conversation as we stand outside our locked house, in the dark, front door locked, about to rain, in the dark, door still locked.... are you getting the drift here JJ?"
Yes, JJ The Wonder Boy - at it again.
Within 5 minutes of arriving at the shop after school JJ asks if he can walk home.
Thinking it would be a spiffing way to get him some exercise and head off the inevitable arguments that begin once we hit the 20 min mark in the confines of the shop - I say, "off you go".
What I had not envisaged was JJ managing to lock himself out of the house and then having what must have been a 'light bulb' moment, 'I know' he thinks, I'll try the age old, foolproof.......'truley'........... re-entry method used by all supercool, suave, private eye spy kids.
Pick a lock in under 10 secs, 3 secs if it's a Major motion picture!
Now generally in the magical land of tv and film the venerated masters of lock picking have one of three tools; two long thin metal objects made for the express purpose of picking a lock, I'm wondering exactly which aisle contains these nifty little devices cause I'm pretty sure I've never noticed the sub-heading, Multi Tasking Lock-Picking Tools on the 'find me' banners at the local hardware.
The second 'absolutely truly works' tool in the lock pickers arsenal is the seemingly indestructible credit card....... HA........
My credit card can't withstand a trip to the local shops let alone being shoved into a tight fitting space and slid up and down a couple of times until 'hey presto' the locking mechanism is convinced by sheer weight of credit owed that it simply must open.
The third simple but surefire tool of the trade is of course the humble bobby (hair) pin......... Oh mercy, my brain is starting to hurt...... A friggin bobby pin - come on people, the lock on a 10 yr old girls diary circa 1978 - yes, the reset button on electrical items constructed prior to 1985 - sometimes, keeping fine shoulder length hair out of your eyes - occasionally, but a Lockwood double locking mechanism in staino steel - I think not.
As for JJ's chosen tool ....... a stick............ made of wood....... thin and brittle, dear God boy, WHAT ????? were you thinking (as his Mum I can't help but postscript - NOT A LOT, at this point).
"It was the only thing I could find!" was his reply. Well, yes, there is a garden 2 feet away containing many trees which are not surprisingly a regular source of wood, so kudos to him for using what was at hand, a regular Bear Grylls.
Now you're probably asking yourself at this point, "What's the problem? When you got home why didn't you just open the door with your key??"
You know what, I asked myself the same thing, I also asked JJ the same thing as my key refused to enter the lock any deeper than 5mm.
The thing about thin brittle pieces of wood shoved into small tight spaces and then jiggled about and placed pressure upon is that at some point they are just bound to break - leaving pieces inside said space.
Now at this point I did not know about the whole stick picking saga, as I imagine many a 10 yr boy would do in a situation like this he just watched as I tried to get the key in the lock - effectively pushing/lodging the broken stick further and further into the lock.
Turning to JJ, I asked the question in the tone no child likes to hear - quietly, low register and slowly so there is no misunderstanding...... "What....... did...... you...... do.......?"
"I tried to pick the lock!" he said, the absurdity of the response momentarily made me laugh, "You what????" I asked, not sure if it was a joke. "I tried to pick the lock....... I think I almost got it too!"
Oh JJ............
The pause was palpable, incredulously I was momentarily impressed by his initiative, until I remembered that the key would now not enter the lock - either the lock itself was broken or there was a blockage somewhere ...........?
Trying to stay calm I asked "What did you use to 'pick' the lock JJ?"
"A piece of stick" ...... pause....... "it was the only thing I could find that would fit," he said.
"Where's the piece of stick JJ?" I asked, "Well, it broke," he replied.
"What do you mean it broke, when you pulled it out?" I asked, desperately hoping that what I thought was coming was actually not......
"No, it broke in the lock...... I couldn't get it out......." he said, and there you have it.
The children learnt a few new words in the following 20 seconds, yes, surprisingly they hadn't 'heard' them all prior to this. Not sure what I'll use in the future should the need arise!
To cut a long story short-er, JJ was forced (after 15 mins of arguing and pleading) to gain entry to the house via a scary, dark, spiderweb infested walkway and after 35 mins of torch lit magnifying glass enabled micro surgery with an extremely long thin Macgyver like pair of art tweezers I got the offending stick out of the lock saving us $300.00 on a new lock and labor charges to the local locksmith, who just happens to be unable to pick most locks - he REPLACES them.
Thank you Hollywood.
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